Felon 47’s War on Education: Dumber Voters, Easier Lies
When Your Base Thinks "Algebra" is a Foreign Country, You Burn the Schools Down
Well, well, well, if it isn’t Felon 47 trying to outdo himself in the Dumbass Olympics. This time, he’s setting his beady little sights on the Department of Education because, let’s be honest, nothing terrifies a grifting con man more than an educated voter who can read past a bumper sticker.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the sentient pumpkin with a rap sheet is reportedly planning to dismantle the entire Department of Education—because who needs literacy when you've got rage, ignorance, and Fox News propaganda filling your skull with hot air and QAnon conspiracies?
This is the same guy whose fans struggle to spell "patriot" correctly while draped in poorly printed Chinese-made American flags at his cult rallies. The same guy who thinks Frederick Douglass is "doing a great job," even though the man has been dead for over a century. And now, in a move so predictable it could be tattooed on the forehead of every slack-jawed MAGA moron, he wants to gut education entirely.
Why? Because educated people ask questions. They demand answers. They don’t fall for sweaty, bloated carnival barkers slurring their way through rally speeches littered with word salads and Big Mac grease. Keeping his base as dumb as a bag of hammers ensures they’ll keep voting against their own interests while cheering for a man whose only loyalty is to his own wallet.
His justification? “States' rights.” Ah, yes. That classic dog whistle for “We want the freedom to teach our kids that the dinosaurs were Republican Jesus’ battle mounts and slavery was just an unpaid internship.” This is about gutting funding for public schools while funneling cash to religious indoctrination factories where critical thinking is a sin but praying to a golden statue of a convicted felon is fine.
And let’s not forget: this is all part of the larger conservative wet dream to turn America into a nation of worker drones who won’t ask why billionaires keep getting richer while they’re struggling to afford gas station burritos. If they can’t read the fine print, they won’t know when they’re being scammed. If they can’t understand history, they won’t recognize fascism creeping up their doorstep. And if they can’t do basic math, they’ll believe Trump’s economic policies actually benefited them.
The kicker? The Department of Education’s own employees are now preparing for mass layoffs, because when Republicans claim they “love America,” what they really mean is “we love keeping Americans just dumb enough to re-elect us.”
So, congrats, MAGA cultists. You wanted to own the libs? Enjoy owning a future where your grandkids are being taught that 2+2=Freedom and where books are replaced with prayer circles and AR-15 appreciation classes. And when America falls even further behind in global rankings for education, don’t be surprised when China, India, and basically every other developed nation leaves us in the dust.
But hey, at least you stopped the scary woke books, right? Idiots.