When Evolution Tapped Out: The Ballad of B6
B6: The First Karen To Discover Fire (Then Complain It Was Woke)
“Me no like pronouns… but me love clubbing logic to death.”
Archaeologists have unearthed this stunning image of Bleachicus Butchicus Barbari, commonly referred to by historians as B6, the earliest known cave-Karen.
Wielding what experts call a "Primitive Stupid Stick" (an early version of the MAGA hat), B6 was known for:
Grunting about "freedumb" while hoarding rocks.
Starting fires — then claiming only her fire was "patriotic."
Canceling evolution mid-process because it was "too science-y."
Leading the first anti-wheel protest: "Wheels are a liberal hoax pushed by Big Rock!"
Ancient cave drawings depict her harassing other cavewomen for breast-feeding in public while simultaneously dragging her own young by the hair through gravel.
Key Discoveries From The Dig Site:
A stone tablet reading: "Make Pangaea Great Again"
Fossilized complaints about taxes on mammoth meat.
Evidence of early conspiracy theories: "Fire good. Fire comes from cave gods. But lightning? FAKE NEWS."
Historians believe she’s still alive today… now screeching at library story hours and throwing rocks at solar panels.